Oh Lord, Lord, Lord

When there's nothing else that can be done, prayer fills the spaces that feel like they might swallow me whole.
When I came out of the numb, God brought richness and depth to replace the intensity I used to accept as "feeling."
In recent months, He's offered me friendships I'd not trade for the most perfect of diamonds, smiles that melt my frowns, long talks that linger like the coals of a campfire, sadness that sinks in deep and feels for a time and a little longer, laughter that echoes off the walls of the background of all the places I go, frustration that teaches me the utter beauty of patience, closeness that hurts less and less every day, honesty that isn't said but is demonstrated instead, equality with others that makes words flow back and forth like the tide, people who laugh with me when I even just look at them or say one word, people I really can depend upon and who really can depend upon me, people to get angry with and make-up with and still love each other despite our differences, imperfectness and global disasters that I must digest yet remain able to move on -- confident that He's in control.

It's been so, so, so good.

But this week, brought a blow to a friend that still lingers in my gut. A networking friend I met about 4 years ago, who I'd finally had a chance to have lunch with two weeks ago and celebrate her soon to be new, first child, lost her 34 year old husband in his sleep on Monday.

The numb beckons and I am having difficulty processing it all. I don't feel sorry for me, I ache for her and the families. Both worked for a non-profit that helps the poor and exploited here in Florida and had been on many mission trips to places outside the U.S. The richness of the joy and love in the photos of them posted on his memorial page is tangibly overwhelming never mind the of the circumstances.

How will she cope? How will she stop crying? How will it all work out? I hate when bad things happen to good people that have dedicated their lives to making the world a better place for ALL of us. And I am asking, "Why, God, WHY?????"

Please pray for Ashby and Spencer and their baby and their families. Please utter a word of mercy for her as you read this. Send love to her. And cherish all God's given you today and all you have lost but were blessed enough to experience for the time you were able to experience it, or them.

I noticed today that when I focus on my problems, I just miss all the blessings around me. I was so tired tonight, but went to The Bridge Youth Center to volunteer as I usually do. It was such a huge blessing. Hugs, conversations, new friends, kids smiling and laughing and showing their talents to each other in the talent show. It's a tiny spot in the universe. . . almost imperceptible in size relatively speaking...but it was a place that fed me tonight a meal that rejuvenated my soul and spirit.

Spencer was volunteering for the organization that his wife had taken a job with. They lived in a small trailer and lived happy and free in God's will for their lives. His smile, according to the pictures, is as big as they said at the memorial service. A happy, happy, happy man with a lovely, happy, happy, happy wife. Givers both. Special enough that I always remembered her after meeting her years ago during a Q&A mixer at the networking group we both attended.

I don't know why God called Spencer home at this time. It makes NO SENSE AT ALL from this side of eternity. But I for one, do not intend to let his passing be in vain. I never met him, only his wife. But his legacy's lit a fire in me and I pray that God will feed it and tend it and make it glow for His glory in the days, weeks, and years to come.

And we know that in all things, God works for good for those who love Him and are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

Annie Quicksilver
2-14-2010